1 year, 4 months, 23 days since my last entry post.
2 years, 6 months, 3 days since my last lyme med.
5 months, 2 days since my last menstrual period.
Yep. I am exactly 22 weeks today and I am 41.
I remember thinking back that my first set of “any” symptom was about 8 years ago. Before that I considered myself really healthy and hadn’t even seen a doctor 10 years prior to that. But here I am. I remember that when all my symptoms started, there was no way to expand my family because I was simply too sick and too tired and too old and that time was my enemy.
Well, screw all that. I figured out that if I don’t have another kid by 42, then I really won’t have a chance. This I consider my miracle baby because I had a dream about this baby a few years ago, right in my middle of my illness. (if you read that link, you will see why). I never thought that it would come true and believe me, I thought because I had this dream, that it would be easy as pie to actually conceive because God was in my favour, but it wasn’t. It took 7 months of trying and I was just ready to say forget it again just at that 7th month. But other insane supernatural things began to happen around this time, which I will probably have to explain in another post, but here we are now.
I have had every test done possible so far with my OB to test for the health of this baby and so far everything looks good. I am believing in that promise that God gave me so long ago that this baby will be healthy as can be.
This past week however has been one disaster after another:
- Friday – started to get a sore throat (probs from 9 year old hacking)
- Saturday – icky, headache
- Sunday – had booked a trip for the weekend out of town and it was looking like I wasn’t going to have fun. Nights were terrible and it felt like someone poured liquid lava down my throat.
- Monday – was determined not to have whatever ailing me to bring me down. Because I was preggo, this prohibited me from doing any sort of activity, but it was fun nonetheless watching my 65 year old mom do zip-lining with my husband for the first time. I felt like an old grandma taking kids to the amusement park because all I could do was sit on benches. I started experiencing that wierd cough I had last year similar to what I had after my pneumonia. It was bouts of uncontrollable coughing to the point of vomiting. When the attack comes, it’s enough to make you leave the presence of everyone out of embarrassment. You start tearing. Your face turns blue. The attacks came about 3-5 times a day.
- Tuesday – on the drive home, husband made me a doctors appt. My Doc was on mat leave so the replacement Doc said I had something but there were missing pieces due to my symptoms. The throat swab showed no strep. I had no fever or chills. So he diagnosis it as allergies most likely because he has no answer. Despite the fact that I have never had any history of allergies
- Wednesday Morning – my husband was a witness to one of my coughing fits and him being a person with seasonal allergies for most of his 42 years of life deemed that “my coughing was no allergy”.
Wednesday Night – My left eye began to hurt, like someone threw sand in it. Ughhhh Ok what now? After 30 min of rubbing it, I went to the mirror to see what in the living earth was going on. I saw pieces of yellow stuff. Gross! I wiped it away thinking something probably got stuck in it. But wait, there was more, up all the way behind my upper eyelid? WTH?? Hello Google. Hello pink eye.
1:00 AM – Feel asleep dreaming of pink eye and then got up to use the bathroom (which is now a nightly 6x habit due to the baby hugging my bladder). Had to blow my nose from bad congestion and then immediately later felt like something was falling out of it. If I had not switched on the light in the pitched black, then I would not have seen the Niagara Falls of a bloody mess spewing down my nose. I texted my husband (who was in the basement at that time doing gawd knows what), “come up, I think I’m dying.” I haven’t had a bloody nose since I was 16. Now, from my past experience, I knew that when a major blood clot came, that it signaled the end of the nose bleed. And guess what, it happened again. This blood clot was the nastiest thing if ever I have witnessed in my human existence. It was like a long 10 inch of a red alien thing that looked like it came out of Ripley’s stomach. I am pretty sure it had teeth.
- Thursday morning bright and early – went back to doc, but to the walk-in this time – “Your pink eye is viral, not bacterial” she says “so antibiotics won’t help. Plus you are pregnant, so I can’t give you anything. If it persists, come back in 3 days. But that’s a Saturday, and we won’t be open. Ok bye!” Well, according to Google, yellow pus = bacterial. Whatever. I went to my health food store, asked the lady and she told me to buy this. Guys, my eyes are white again.
- Thursday Night – My cough however was getting worse. My ribs and muscles now hurt. At one point I coughed so bad, I had to change my panties because I peed! My friend mentioned whooping cough at some point, but I dismissed it. But that night when I was awoken from my precious dream of red bloody aliens, I actually heard the “whooping” in between coughs as I couldn’t catch my breath. I figured out the reason I never heard it during the day was because I was trying to stifle it. I found this site. And I am 100% certain that this is what I have. Same thing as last year only I was never diagnosed. So armed with info, guess what I did?
- Friday morning bright and early – went back to the walk-in, got a different doctor, told him I think I have the whooping cough and that Zithromax was given to me last year. “Oh but Miss, have you been around or heard anyone with the whooping cough?”. Um No. “You don’t have the whooping cough, you have a bad viral something, but because you are pregnant, I can’t give you anything except Amoxicillin. Or you can drink lots of water and keep your humidifier on 24/7.” Gee thanks. I said No to the Amox and left. I decided this was just like lyme, but with something else. And really, I am just tired of trying to prove anything to anybody, so I said to hell with it, went to the mall and paid $220 for a haircut that I never knew would cost $220.
I have figured out now through this journey that nobody really gives a shiznick about you. I am not saying this because I am feeling offended or anything but this is the reality. With this latest crap of sickness, I don’t really care, I just know that I will get better, I’m not going to waste time trying to figure it out, go on Google, worry about the baby, I will just trust that everything will work itself out.
My guilty pleasure is The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I have watched Yolanda Foster’s journey. This entire season, her lyme was questioned and she was shown in the spotlight as having Munchausen Syndrome. The editing was so good on it, it even made me question her illness and sanity which in itself is insane seeing I went through the exact same thing as she! But I had to jolt myself back to reality. The thing is, nobody will get it unless they are in your shoes, in your body, in your head 24/7. Nobody will understand. And that makes you feel alone. I get it. For me, I find the situation worse when I have to try to convince other people of what I went through or what I am going through, it is just an added stress. So I have finally figured out that it’s useless to even bother talking about it to anyone who doesn’t understand. THEY. WILL. NOT. GET. IT.
Scrolling through my useless FB feed, this news pulls this up. Paralysis: Vet Intern Discovers Dog’s Condition Caused By Tick Before Euthanization. Sure, this makes national headlines and yes, it’s a feel good story and I’m glad the dog is ok, but if a frigging tick can do this to a dog, do people not realize what it can do to humans? Can I just say a big hashtag of DUMB?
Sorry enough ranting. Hope ya’ll are doing good.