lymed out

my quest to getting these suckas out!

Archive for the tag “Jesus”

I am not dead somewhere I promise.


I can’t believe it’s been almost 6 months since my last post. I felt I owed you all an update before you all get your pitchforks out and start for my house. Thank you for all your emails, your thoughts, your questions, your words of encouragement.

First of all, I’m ok. Much has happened in the last 6 months with me. I’ve been on an incredible spiritual journey learning the supernatural healing power of God. This happens NOW. We are all able to receive this. You and Me. Now before you all think I’m one that flew over the cuckoo’s nest, I assure you my brain functionality is 100% and I have not joined some type of cult. The presence of God is real and tangible and I want to share it with you all.

I am going to be real honest here. What I am about to say doesn’t mean that I am abandoning any of you. I feel an obligation to you because we are all in this together to get out of it. Not to cope. I don’t want to cope. I want freedom. I have pushed Lyme out of my thoughts. I don’t talk about it. I don’t read about it. I don’t follow any blogs about it. I don’t go to forums about it. (well maybe a couple times). The more I let Lyme in my life, the more I get into a pit of despair, a black hole that I don’t think I can get out of. Any despair in my life is an opportunity for the enemy to come knocking on my door. By enemy, yes I mean the devil. (I am not sure how many Christian readers are on here, so I will be basic).

Yes, the devil exists. (More on that in my next post)

All I need to focus on is the love of Jesus. The fact that He died on the cross to save us and heal us of all diseases. It’s as simple as that.

I just need a little bit more time to tell my story and all the stuff I learned. It’s either going to be a lengthy post that requires you to take breaks, or it’s going to be an entire new blog all together and I will cease this blog. That’s all I know right now.

My current health situation.

But in the meantime, I am taking Chinese herbs. Yes, the nasty, smelly, barfo kind that you drink which looks like you grabbed twigs and what not out of the forest and boiled it down to a soup. On the plus side, I don’t have to boil it, the Chinese Herbalist does. So here’s the story with this:

My neighbour has been telling me to see this Chinese Herbalist for 2 years. I was humming and hawing because seriously, how much more stuff can my body take. After the Humaworm fiasco that happened last time I posted, I didn’t think I would set foot in the herbal territory again.

Backtrack: I have been off ALL meds since November 27, 2013. That is an entire other story. I could go off on so many tangents here… sigh.

So back to Chinese Herbalist. My mom went to see him last year and I’m sure you all know about how Traditional Chinese Medicine works. The guy feels your pulse, you stick out your tongue, and he tells you what is wrong with you. And then you pay him half your mortgage. He was able to tell that my mom had surgery on her RIGHT KNEE several years before without her telling him.

Chinese Herbalist Conversation:

Him: Please stick your tongue out.
Me: ok.
Him: Thank you.
Me: So ya, I have this bacterial infection called Lyme, blah blah, I have vertigo, my digestive system has seen better days and blah blah.
Him: I’m concerned about your uterus. (mumbling something incoherent due to his accent).
Me: My uterus?
Him: rjerkwerjewf.
Me: Sorry can you repeat that? Endometriosis? Cervical Cancer? Uterine Cancer? You’re freaking me out.
Him: Don’t worry, if you take my medicine, it will all clear.
Me: ummm ok.

I gave him half my mortgage, got in my car and hauled ass to the walk-in near my house, and yes freaking out. In the car I was thinking, OMG! I was so wrapped up in my lyme stuff, I totally forgot to mention my monthly issues. It was very messed up, very heavy, I would have to stay home for at least 3 days, there were blood clots, and I thought this was just a result of being on meds for 1.5 years.

I get to the walk-in clinic. I say “Listen, I know that the rules for the current health plan has changed and that we can’t get pap tests every year now, but every 3 years and I know that I am not allowed to get one until July and even if I paid you, you wouldn’t do it, but right now I need a pap test.” (Thank you free healthcare)

I go into the waiting room and eventually into the inside room. I’m sitting there thinking WHAT AM I DOING, WHY AM I HERE OMG WHAT IF THE DOCTOR IS A GUY?. Before that thought even finished, in walks a really thin late 20’s something MALE doctor. I was beside myself.

Western Doctor Conversation:

20 Something Doctor: Hi what are you here for. (he had about as much interest in me as the cotton pads sitting in the jar.)
Me: Something is wrong with my periods.
20 Something Doctor: What are you symptoms.
Me: Heavy menstruation, shorter cycles, extreme pelvic pain.
20 Something Doctor: How long has this been happening.
Me: 2 years.
20 Something Doctor: And you are only checking this out NOW?
Me: Well I have tried and the last doctor I went to denied me of a pap test.
20 Something Doctor: So how do you know something is wrong?
Me: I went to see a Chinese Herbalist. (UH OH)
20 Something Doctor: (Rolled Eyes)
Me: Have you ever seen a Chinese Herbalist? (Why did I ask him this?)
20 Something Doctor: (More eye rolling) No. How did he diagnose you.
Me: He looked at my tongue and took my pulse (I almost started crying because everything that came out of my mouth was getting worse.)
20 Something Doctor: He what??
Me: (I wanted to crawl into the ugly peach coloured linoleum floor)
20 Something Doctor: (Silence)
Me: You know what? Nevermind. I’ll go to my regular doctor, only she will make me wait 3 hours but really who cares.
20 Something Doctor: (His tone changed to being nice now, possibly realizing that I would give him a rate of ZERO on Rate My MD) Oh let us do some tests for you. We will do a pap test, a swab, some blood tests and I’ll order you a pelvic ultrasound. Are you on any meds?
Me: I was on meds for Lyme. (Again why.)
20 Something Doctor: (More eye rolling)

He did the pap test. I do the blood tests, I do the pelvic ultrasound at a lab (I cannot even tell that story, the male readers on here will not do too well.) 7 days later, I get a call to come back in for results.

20 Something Doctor: Hi Miss, you have a fibroid. This is what is causing the heavy menstruation and all the other problems. Also, you are anemic.
Me: um ok, is that serious? What do I do?
20 Something Doctor: Nothing.
Me: Oh ok. Awesome. (My sarcasm was oozing out of my pores.)
20 Something Doctor: I will refer you to an OBGYN

OBGYN Conversation (3 weeks later):

OBGYN: So you can have surgery or get an IUD or take pills.
Me: Um, No, No and more NO.
OBGYN: Let me take a biopsy and we will see what we are dealing with. It’s only 1.5 cm.
Me: (OMG, if this is only 1.5 cm and causing me all these issues, I hear some ppl have them the size of grapefruits. What are THEY dealing with?)
OBGYN: Are you planning on having any more children?
Me: I don’t know.
OBGYN: I can cauterize the area so you can’t.
Me: UM NO WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK ME THAT!

OBGYN does the biopsy. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of pain that is associated with them getting some tissue samples out of your privates. It was so incredibly painful that it deterred me from the thought of ever going through childbirth again. I am pretty sure it rivalled that pain.

So fast forward to now, and I have been scheduled to see him again for possible surgery. No they won’t make an incision on my stomach, but here’s some tools involved. A tube and a camera. Dr. Oz’s blog tells it nicely here.

In the meantime, I’m drinking my nasty Chinese Herbal tea every morning and every night (6 weeks in now). My son and I call it Poo Poo Tea. I still do acupuncture every 3 weeks and she is also treating the fibroid naturally and has success in doing so with previous clients. I take my vitamin C and also a probiotic daily. That’s it.

photo

I have gone longer on this post then I intended to. Sorry for the yammering. I miss writing. On a brighter note, I remember writing a post quite a while back (perhaps almost 2 years ago) about me being really upset because I felt so sick I couldn’t take my son to fly to a kite. So he kept saying “Don’t worry Mommy, when you are healed, we will go and fly a kite.” He will constantly draw pictures of me and him flying a kite because he knew how much it meant. This was going to be a significant day for me because we always said that when I am better I am going to take him to fly a kite. Now I kept waiting for myself to feel totally 100% before I took him out but I realized that I was actually scared. I needed the perfect day, the perfect temperature and the perfect pink dress to make this day special. And that was never going to happen. I needed to embrace the time NOW. No matter how I felt.

Well last Sunday, after what seemed to be 8 months of winter, we had amazing weather, a little chilly but the wind was strong enough for a kite. So we went out and did this. I am not wearing a pink dress, he is not a skinny stick figure, and the grass is photoshopped to green rather than barf brown, but this picture is a significant milestone to my healing.

kite

Hope you enjoyed this update and I’ll chat soon again with all the other stuff.

We are all the Woman with the Issue of Blood


On Sunday this past weekend, I was feeling off again, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from going to Church. Husband was out of town on a business trip (and we had out of town guests staying with us) and sometimes it’s hard for me to get myself out with 5 year old to our church half an hour away. But I did. I didn’t even know what our Pastor was going to preach on. It’s a rather large church, about 2500-3000 people. They are very organized, and normally have the topics posted on their site or on the screens.

5 year old had a really late night due to out of town guests and he was really cranky. He started drawing on the hymn book and I just had about enough, so I took him to Sunday School. I sat back down in the pew and the topic of discussion: Healing.

I’m like GET OUT. So the Pastor’s sermon was on the Woman with the Issue of Blood.

Mark 5:24-34
So Jesus went with him. A large crowd followed and pressed around him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Does this sound at all familiar to you? We are all this woman. Her disease was painful, prolonged, and permanent. She was considered ceremonially uncleaned. For her, making contact with Jesus was far more important and she took a risk. She was already ostracized from her religious community as it says in Leviticus 15: 25-37 that any woman who has a discharge of blood on days other than her normal cycle are considered unclean. Imagine going through this for 12 years and not be allowed to participate in anything. She had suffered tremendously both physically and emotionally. Now when the Crimson Wave comes for us women, we are in despair for the 5-7 days. Can you imagine 12 straight years? Now can you also imagine not being allowed to participate in community activities, be with your husband, sit on furniture because you were considered unclean? This woman must have been a wreck.

BUT, the purity of her faith in God healed her. She thought, if only she can just touch his cloak, she will be healed. Our total health is more important than our physical health. We need to work on our emotional and spiritual healing just as much. This woman with the issue of blood had been alienated by countless of doctors, and finally heard of this celebrity healer. She didn’t care what people thought of her, but she waded through the crowd with one mission in mind, to touch His cloak. Jesus goes on to call her Daughter. How many times in the Bible have you heard Jesus calling someone daughter? Only one. This one. Can you imagine the healing that took place in her soul?

This passage always inspires me to keep persisting, and to keep my faith pure. Physicians aren’t the ones that will ultimately heal us. It is God who heals us. Whether by a miracle, or by guiding the physician, homeopath, naturopath, in the end, it is His will.


In other news this weekend, I can’t believe what I did on Saturday. Because Husband went away, I entertained our out of town best friends without feeling ill. Mind you I didn’t take any meds at all, I just couldn’t deal with the constant 1.5 hour interval popping of pills. The day was very long from about 10 am – 11 pm, we were outnumbered by Kids and we did lots of driving to far away places. Something I use to take for granted, but for now, this has been a huge step simply because it was just me and 5 year old, without me relying on Husband to take much of the slack. Anyway, we went to this little train station museum and the kids loved it. This is my little 5 year old enjoying the train ride.

Ok now off to Costco to returned that blasted Flagyl.

Please watch these Healing Videos!


As promised, I have included the videos that I have been watching that were recommended to me from a friend. This isn’t someone that she found on YouTube. This is actually her Pastor. Yes, as you can see, he isn’t the traditional white haired old dude preaching in a suit from the pulpit. He is down to earth, probably even younger than me, and speaks in such everyday language that I can relate to. I’ve watched all his healing videos and have been so moved by them. I need to get down to brass tax and re-watch them all over again. He also does many other types of series, so I really recommend watching them! They are only 10 minutes each, so it’s easy to do 2 sessions a day. Take notes! I’ve embedded the first video here and have put links to the rest of the series.

I also should mention that he did these videos at the time when I first started treatment. What are the odds on timing for this?

Healing 101-01

GOD IS SCREAMING AT YOU!


The writing of this post has been in my head for some weeks now and has been sitting in draft mode for what seems like forever. I wasn’t sure how to write it, but I’m just going to let my thoughts flow and list the events that took place the past 3 weeks in chronological order. It’s kind of lengthy, and might not be easily digested, so good luck reading this!

Event #1
After the Flaygl brought me to hell in a handbasket, I made it back to earth and started googling “God heals Lyme.” This is by far much better than googling “Can Flagyl cause you to die.” I came across a video of a woman of faith who was healed from Lyme before she started her medication. Here is Part 1 below. You can find Part 2 Here and Part 3 Here.

Event #2
One night, my Church had an anniversary service at night. I normally don’t like going on Sunday nights because it’s late and I have to get the little guy to bed and ready for school the next day, but hey I had to live a little. I told my husband we are only staying for half an hour and then we are leaving. So off we went to this special service. The worship was absolutely phenomenal. They did lots of old medleys (which I grew up with) mixed in with the newer generation songs. Well, we stayed for the entire thing which was about 1.5 hours and I didn’t even have the urge to leave my seat. It was like some force had stuck my butt to the seat. I was overwhelmed by the presence of God and what He has done in my life the past year. I heard this voice in me to simply believe that I would be healed. Just believe you are healed. This thought kept occurring over and over. Then I heard a voice saying to stop my meds. Now, I have never really experienced hearing the voice of God, so I’m not sure if it was my own thoughts or what. Or maybe it was that video I saw of the woman in Event #1 who didn’t even start her meds before she was healed.

Event #3
My BFF was also harassing me (which I love her for) to watch these healing videos that her Pastor had posted on Youtube (which I will post in a separate post). Within the first 5 minutes of watching the first segment, the Pastor recites this verse.

Revelation 3:20: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

Now, if you have been reading my blog for some time now, this is the EXACT verse that my little 5 year old kept singing to me for 6 months before I finally listened. I couldn’t even finish watching the video, I just sat there analyzing what this meant and what God was trying to say to me.

Event #4
I was in one of the regular Lyme forums one night and saw a post that went something like this:

“ Should I stop my medication? I am doing this test and am wondering if I should stop my medication. It’s for my own personal reasons, so please don’t judge me, just want your opinion and if any of you have done it, what happened.”

Um. OK. This is no coincidence. I didn’t just have those thoughts run in my head at church and then come across this very same question 2 days later written by someone else? Again, what is God saying here?

Event #5
My BFF came over the next day and I shared with her all the events that I wrote above. We sat there and talked for about 2 hours and she shared with me her life experiences. A follower of Jesus herself, she is saying that all the above IS God speaking to me, it’s if I choose to hear and act on it. I was at a struggling point. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should stop my medication to witness this. Wait, I can’t stop my meds or the past two months would have been wasted. My LLMD would drop me as a patient? What if it doesn’t work? OMG I wasted all my money! If I didn’t stop, does that mean I am disobeying God? I didn’t know what to do. It’s a gigantic leap of faith.

We finished our conversation and went downstairs, the whole time the gears in my head were spinning. My BFF caught something out of the corner of her eye, and pulled out a reading lesson and stuck it in my face.

Keep in mind that this piece of paper was stashed underneath a frosted table which held a TV so I’m not even sure how she saw this, but she did. It was one of the reading lessons from my 5 year old’s Sunday School which taught on Jesus healing the lepers. I had kept it for a reason but forgot all about it. So there it is, now in front me, the words blatantly saying “Do you hear Me?

That night, I wasn’t ready to make that full commitment. Would God put me through such a test as to quit cold turkey on my meds and to trust that He would heal me? Or would he heal me THROUGH the medication? BFF says “Let me put this onto perspective for you. If God asked you to sacrifice your son, what would you do?” Um, Yikes, some pretty heavy stuff. I’m sure sacrificing meds is a whole lot easier than sacrificing your son. And I’m sure it wouldn’t cost me a 25+ year life sentence either.

Event #6
My mom had bought a prayer book for my BFF and myself.  A couple of weeks later, I went to a Bible Store. I was specifically wanting buy a journal and one that had the Jeremiah 33:3 verse on it but no luck. The only journal eye popping to me was this leather bound gold leafed book and I fell in love with. The inscription on the front said “For I know the plans I have for you.” Declares the Lord,” Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you the hope and a future.” Jer 29:11. I settled with that.

Another week passes by and I finally grab the prayer book my mom got me along with my new journal to take notes. I opened up the prayer book and noticed my mom had wrote a bible verse on the front page. I’ll give you one guess as to what it was. Yes. Jeremiah 29:11. Seriously what are the odds.

So I open the book and one of the verses on the bottom of the page is this. Yes, the Knock Knock Verse from Event #3. Ok what are the second odds of this!!!!!!!!

Event #7
My BFF sometimes visits my church. They have Saturday night and Sunday morning services where my Pastor preaches the same word. One Saturday night she went there for a service. I get a text from her as soon as the service ends and it says, “Are you going to church tomorrow.” I said, “I’m not sure, depends how I feel 5 minutes before.” She says “You must go, I don’t care.” I think she was at the point of desperation for me and she spilled the beans. You don’t understand, you have to go because Pastor X’s whole message is on Revelation 3:20 (yep, that’s the Knock Knock verse!) I said “WHAT IN THE FLYING BLAZES IN GOING ON HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

BFF says to me: “GOD IS SCREAMING AT YOU!!!!!!!!”

Event #8
A couple of days ago, my 5 year old was doing laps with his hotwheels and started singing. It was a variation of the Knock Knock song (which he hasn’t sung in about 8 months). It wasn’t even a Christian like version, just saying the words, Knock Knock are you listening?

I stopped drying my hair and looked at him and said, “What song is that?” He said “I dunno. I just started singing it.”

————————————-

Ok. So what do you think the series of these events mean? I know for sure God is trying to tell me something. I need to stop and just listen. He is obviously knocking on my door. I need to open it.

When God speaks to you, it can be just thoughts running in your head, to nagging feelings that you experience over and over. This is something that I am fairly new to and still learning. Just be still in His presence. I have still haven’t decided on what I am doing yet, but I will continue to pray on this and seek His word. I do hear a still small voice say to me, “It will all be alright”.

Spiritual Healing – 333


Two years ago, some friends and I were discussing the possibility of alien existence. I don’t really believe this, but joined the discussion. While I am a Christian, I am not one to argue about the existence of God nor try to shove religion down someone’s throat. I am also a lover of scary movies. So how does aliens, Christianity and scary movies intertwine?

Well one evening while this was in discussion, I mentioned the fact that lately, I have been waking up at 3:33 am nearly every night. It was such a frequent occurrence that it was starting to seriously freak me out. It was to the point where I would wake up, needing to use the washroom, thinking, “ok, when I glance at the clock I bet it will say 3:33”. Guess what, it did. So I mentioned this to my friends and they were like “OMG!, do you know what that means?!”

I’m like: “No, tell me.”
They said: “Go watch The Fourth Kind.”

So being a fan paranormal-like scary movies, I obliged. After watching it, I said ok. Now what. They said “Don’t you know that 3:33 is when the devil comes out to play?” From then on, I was scared to wake up. Infact, when I felt like waking up in the middle of the night, I would look at the clock wait for it to become 3:35 (I am thinking 2 minutes would be a safe zone), then I would get up to use the facilities, and run back into bed like a 4 year old kid.

Pretty soon, I started to see 333 everywhere. As a designer, I am on the computer alot. I started to see 333 in Photoshop brush sizes, the bottom of my screen where the clock is, the version numbers of software updates. Then it migrated out of the computer. I constantly saw it on my iPhone time, km in my car, times in my car, signs on the road, prices in the stores, grams in food.

I started to get paranoid and I’ll give you one guess as to what I did. Yes. Google. I read that 333 is half of 666. Meaning that’s a good thing, which is opposite the devil. Here’s something else I found.

It means that is a sign that the angels signify their agreement to your thoughts. It means truth and is a sign of the trinity. Mind, body, and spirit. Three becoming one. Angels love, protect, and surround you and the union is complete. Angels are in your midst.

Think of 333 as an equilateral triangle, with each of the sides and points being equal. It is the numerical representation of truth. Not just in right and wrong, but as Truth.

Then one day, my mom and I were talking and I mentioned the 333 thing. She says “Do you know what, I’ve also been getting up at 3:33”. I almost fell off the chair.

Much later on (like a few months after) while at my mom’s for supper, she says “Hey, here’s the book that Mrs. X gave to me, do you want to read it?” I said ok, “Let me take a look.” The book was titled “I Believe in Miracles”. I opened to the first page and saw this.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. It was an inscription on the page (dated 1964 – that’s how old this was!) and a Bible verse for Jeremiah 33:3. I screamed “Run! Get the Bible!” So she did.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3)

Hmmmm. I wondered what this meant? What was God trying to tell me? At this point, I don’t recall if I was showing any symptoms of Lyme, I just remembered seeing this verse and wondering what it meant in my life, not knowing that this verse will ultimately save me later on. I wrote this verse on a post-it note and taped it to my computer monitor. I know this was no coincidence.

Much later, Lyme became to manifest, and me not knowing that, I used this verse many times. I kept saying “God, I’m calling you, tell me these great and unsearchable things I do not know.” I repeated this daily, asking for Him to show me. I was suffering with symptoms now and didn’t know where to turn.

Pretty soon, I became like Jim Carrey in “Number 23“. I started seeing times more, like 2:22, 11:11, 4:44, 1:11. I started to drag one of my best friends into this because she started to see these too (She is also a Christian). She kept asking “What is that verse?” I told her. So now, whenever we come across this number, we immediately text each other. And when we do, we both recite that verse in our heads.

That is what 333 (and any multiple numbers I see) means to me. It means that God is dropping by and saying a quick hello. I need to stop what I am doing and listen to Him.

** UPDATE ** A few days after I write this post, my BFF tags in an FB picture. Someone else sent this her. What are the odds?

Spiritual Healing – Does God talk to you?


I am certainly not one of those Christians who like to preach. Infact, I am far from. But this post is much long due.

Just to give you a little bit of background, I have been a Christian since I was 12. I know the power of God. When I was 14, He has saved me from a very bad car accident involving me being run over by 2 cars and dragged underneath one of them for 100 meters. Lying in the snow unconscious in -10 degree weather with onlookers piling their jackets on top of me to keep me warm, I wrote my mom’s work number in the snow so the ambulance could contact her. I have absolutely no recollection of this. While unconscious, I can remember to this day what I saw in my ‘near death experience’ dream. I was walking on something white towards a light. Then I woke up in the ambulance. The outcome? I was only hospitalized for a day with a minor bruise on my head and a black eye. I was back to school by Monday morning.

Throughout my life, God has shown up many many times. Whether or not I listened to Him, that is a whole different story. I also met my husband in Sunday School when I was 12. I must admit, there has been a period in my life where I strayed away and did my own thing. But He was still there, waiting for me. I kept pushing my doubts about Christianity away, but they soon surfaced. I was questioning things. Science, Religion. But in the back of my mind. I always knew that God was watching. I faithfully went to Church every Sunday because that’s what I have been doing my whole life.

Years after, this Lyme episode happened. At that point, I was so desperate, I started praying. I wrote a letter to God giving my life back to Him. I know somewhere deep within me, that I was given this life changing experience to make me get back closer to Him. And I have.

I don’t blame God for any of this. Infact, I thank Him. I would rather be suffering and praising Him, knowing that Heaven is waiting for me than to be perfectly healthy and NOT know Him. God has spoken to me many times. I can tell you when.

After my letter to God, I was in such depression (from the symptoms of my undiagnosed Lyme), I often went up for prayer at Church with my hubby holding my hand. I would give a general statement like, “Doctors don’t know what is wrong with me, can I please have some prayer?” They would lay their hands on me and then I would go home and go about life, with me wondering why He wasn’t answering anything I was praying about.

Soon after, things started to dawn on me. My little 5 year old kept singing this one song he learned from Sunday School. It went like this:

Behold, Behold
I stand at the door and knock, knock, knock
Behold, Behold
I stand at the door and knock, knock, knock
If any girl hear my voice,
If any boy hear my voice,
And will open, open, open the door,
I will come in.

He sang it so many times throughout the day for months that it started to annoy me, but I decided to record it on my phone anyway. One night as I was bored, I replayed this video. The way he sang it was so intense, something I missed while watching it live. It was almost like he was looking me right in the eyes, doing his hand motions like his life depended on it. Like he was trying to tell me something screaming inside “Mommy will you just listen to me for Pete’s sake!!!”. I kept replaying it. It suddenly dawned on me what was going on here. Jesus was speaking through him. I had finally opened my eyes to see. Took me a few months to realize that  God was knocking on my door and I wasn’t opening it.

Another time that I found God speaking through my son was when one day, (probably a Lyme rage day), I was getting upset at the most nonsensical things. I finally realized what a monster of a mom I was, I apologized to my little guy for getting angry at nothing. He looked at me and said “Mommy,  that’s ok, I forgive you. I will always forgive you“. I don’t even need to explain this one to you!

I will end this post here for now. Alot to digest and kind of a heavy post. Be on the lookout for my second installment called “Spiritual Healing (Part 2)” shortly. This will also tell you of some other incredible stories that led up to my diagnosis!

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